May 22, 2010

  • When I had children

    it never occurred to me that the hardest part of having them would be to let them go.  Last night we celebrated Boy Wonder's graduation from college.  His father and step mom were there as well as Erik and I. The guest of honor was late- he did a good deed for a friend and then took the long way home.  That gave the four parents plenty of time to be on our best behavior and chat. We've come a long way, we cooperative parents. Or are we a parent's cooperative?At any rate, we chatted, sampled the brew pub's wares and awaited the coming of Mason.

    He looked happy, my son. Happy and relieved. It took him six years to do it and he worked a lot through those times. Last night he was sun kissed and relaxed from fishing and noticeably more relaxed with the burden of school off his shoulders. He announced that he was off to New Hampshire to work for the summer at a summer stock situation. He'll be doing carpentry, building stage sets. He looks happy to be doing that and to be leaving behind his job in retail in Plaatsburgh. I envy him being able to pick up and go.  Towards the end of the evening he dropped a large hint that if he can't get a job in the Northeast after the summer is over that he might consider going to California. That shocked me a bit, as I've pretty much assumed from our conversations that he was determined to stay on the East Coast.

    I know this sounds foolish, but the thought of both my kids being on the West Coast leaves me feeling very alone and grown past the time when I could have been rootless and exploring. I don't know what to do with myself. Erik is perfectly happy where we are. I feel restless and want to move. I never pictured not having my kids nearby and I am unprepared for this change in my life. They are doing what they are supposed to do- go out and have a life, explore, savor. I am here and so not sure of what to do with myself next. Sorry, whiney sounding and poor me when the emphasis should be on the celebration of the accomplishments of my son in graduating and having this job he's found.

    Blessings abound

Comments (3)

  • I think it would be perfectly normal to want to be closer to them. I do not envy you this. Congrats on his accomplishments. You've done well, Mom.

  • I completely understand. I'm bound here until my 8th grader has graduated. I'm very restless and bored. No way to do what I want though. I suspect I'm too old for anything as interesting as the life I could have had. Ah.... the coulda, shoulda, wouldas....

    Hang in there, friend!

  • I feel for you Tammy. This has been my dilemna, however, my role is that of the child who moved from their family...and married to an opposite coast, from Ak to VT. and my family lies midwest, west by SW. my heart is still lonesome after 31 years. there are no easy answers.
    but the ties that bind don't go away with distance...and when we get together it is like we are neighbors who see eachother each day.
    I still cry in the shower about what to do to solve this riddle. I think for me the answer lies in being in present and doing whats put in front of me and being open to feelings of being compelled...and not expecting an answer. jeezum, I sound like a trite Hallmark moment. sorry. so... let me just say. xxoo I feel for you Tammy.

Comments are closed.

Post a Comment