October 9, 2010

  •   After starting the fire, we returned to the yurt on the hill. One of the exercises in preparation for the firewalk was to break an arrow, symbolizing that which one wanted to break through. I wanted to break through sugar and sorrow, breaking my way into joy. I assumed the Horse stance, a stance of power. Stephanie stood an arrow's breadth away from me, the feathered end of the arrow in the board in her hands. The board was painted with a symbol. The point of the arrow lightly pressed against my throat. Three times I took breath, bringing my arms like billows pumps up and down. With each pump of my arms, each drawing of breath, the community chanted the power word I had chosen. Joy!JOY!! JOY!!! With the third chant, the third downward thrust, the third expulsion of breath, I stepped forward, breaking through sorrow, breaking through sugar, surging into Joy and a hug in Stephanie's arms. Even as I stepped forward, my mind wondered at the arrow pressing into my neck, feeling as if this time it might not break, this time it might pierce the delicate tissue of my throat. My resolve held and the arrow broke, shattering my bond to sugar and the sorrow my binging brought me. Exultant, I harvested the arrow pieces from the floor and returned to my place in the circle.

    Soon it was time to travel the trail back to the fire. The large pile of dense, cool wood had been reduced to a carpet of coals, glowing red in the moonlight. Banks of coals on either side flickered flames of blue and orange. We encircled the site, our wagons full of hope and intention for transformation, for healing. We started chanting, singing. The first pilgrim came to the head of the fire and stepped forward onto the carpet of coals.  There was no tentativeness, just an air of confidence as the walk was made from one end to another, full of purpose.

    Soon enough came my turn. I made my way across the coals. I felt the kiss of the coals on the soles of my feet. The grass felt cool and refreshing on the otherside. The full moon lit the scene as the singing and walking continued. Each time across the coals burnished my intention to let go of sugar and sorrow, burnished my invitation to walk with joy in my life. I made the commitment to myself, one step at a time, one kiss on the feet of my sould.

    It has been four weeks today since I last walked the coals. I have rid myself of concentrated sugar.  i have lost eleven pounds, seemingly without effort. There has been effort in getting through some of the times I would normally turn to sweets for comfort and the numbness they bring. I have walked further on this resolution than I have in a very long time. Today I am continuing to build upon the foundation I laid in the night on the flames at Spirit Hollow.