July 22, 2012

• Who I am

  My joints hurt today. My wrists burn, I am still a loving mother.

  My eyes are more sensitive to light. I still have a sense of humor. 
  I have nausea from the antibiotics and Herx today. I am compassionate and always working to increase my compassion to myself and others. 

  I spent most of the last thirty-six hours in bed. I am determined to see this through and be healthier.

  I am so tired I want to cry. I am determined not to. I am stubborn. 

  I am not the sum of the pain of my parts. I am a good nurse, a conscientious person, a kind and loving friend. I am not my symptoms. I am not Lyme Disease, no matter how much it tries to consume my life. This is one of those weeks where I only have the energy to work and rest and not much else. My husband cannot hug me or offer the comfort of touch because to be touched means to hurt more. Still, I long for the comfort of his touch. 

   

  Our blueberries are ripening on the bushes, bending the branches to the ground. I cannot eat them because they will feed the yeast. This is not deprivation to deny myself those little treasures. This is self-discipline in the hopes of cure.

  Just as I am not only a nurse, I am not only Lyme Disease. I am a smart, witty, caring woman who happens to be a nurse, a person with Lyme Disease, a mother of two. I am strong and capable but temporarily limping along because of my disease and it's treatment. 

  Blessings abound. 

  • 10:09 am
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