that I am loved. .....That the color of my hair is really unimportant.......that getting exercise in the sunshine makes me feel better.......that I have a family of my making that is not the family of my mother........that birds building nests are harbingers of hope........that looking like my grandparent's Snyder is connection and not frumped middle age........that there are blessings in my fifties richer than the hair and body of my twenties......that I'm here to help, not hinder........that I can bring daffodils to my friends and share the garden.....that it's not scary to move my body...that moving my body makes me stronger and brighter......that my children are entitled to live there lives where they need to, how they need to......that my mother is asleep to the ways she affects those she is connected with......that I have gifts and talents that I am able to use in my work.......that the spring is meant to be enjoyed, not ignored on the computer.

Blessings abound

I've awakened to ride the bike for two mornings in a row.
Yeah! Me!

Blessings abound

The Chief dragged me off to the Salisbury Elementary School for a fund raising breakfast. The Salisbury VFD is raising money for ice rescue equipment. A local family went out on Lake Dunmore in January. Their snowmobiles plummeted through the too thin ice. Three members of the six died. Since then, the effort has been on to have the proper equipment for an ice rescue. The hope is that no one will have to use it again. We had tickets and I went along for the ride. There was a very good turnout and I managed to eat a reasonable amount. However, I'm finding myself feeling a bit bloated from the two pancakes and eggs. I find it an interesting sensation, to say the least, and wonder how I've missed this sensation in the past. Have I reduced my intake sufficiently to notice the blucky way I feel when I eat something I haven't been touching in a while? Seems like it's too early, but it seems to be so. I'm drinking water and trying to flush this through my system.

My favorite way to ride the bike is to put some music into the CD player and turn on a baseball game or animal show and mute the sound. Away I go, easily amused.
Time to hop back on.
Blessings abound

I need someone at the house fluent in nineteen year old cat. I don't know why she's yowling, but she's noisy and insistent about something, I just don't know what.

Taking care of myself continues to progress. I did not eat sugary crap at work this week, or any other crap for that matter and this is a good thing. Still counting calories, still riding on the bike. This is a minor accomplishment for me, one to be celebrated and reinforced.   Today is overcast and rainy.  The urge to bake is strong and I am ignoring it. At one point, we had snow falling once more. A temporary April aberration, but one that urges me to the oven and baking. Baking, which inevitably leads to eating.

Blessings abound

The more I take care of myself, the better I feel. This is a good thing to remember.

Blessings abound

about being a girl and having a hula hoop once again. I used to love my hula hoop. It was a hot pink.  Having it encircle me made me feel fun. I would swivel my hips and roll my belly and make it twirl, twirl, twirl. I don't really remember why I stopped playing with my hula hoop. Maybe it was lost somewhere in the packing and unpacking of a military family as my father was transferred here and there. Maybe I put it down for too long and it was thrown away, as parents sometimes do. At any rate, it's been a long time since I've even thought about a hula hoop, let alone twirled one.

Hula hoops on the brain has been touched off by using the hula hoop function on my friend's Wii. It didn't take long for the body memory of  motion to return.  I'd love to say that I kept that Wii hoop going for quite a while, but that would be fibbing. What it did do was awaken something in me.  I think it's awakened a sense of playfulness and delight in my body.

We were at Easter dinner last week and Autumn, my friend's granddaughter , had a silver hula hoop with striations of pink and purple. To my surprise, it was big enough to encircle my waist. I didn't try to twirl it- my back was huring that day and my husband was blaring cautionary stares my way. I really wanted to do it. I wish I had.

So now I dream of buying a hula hoop of my own. I want to make it twirl, rediscover my waist. In my dreams, multiple hoops swirl and twirl and hug me, giant bracelets on my body, spurring me on to more body joy.  Unlike some other dreams of the past where I have tried on hula hoops that stuck at my waist and would not budge, these hoops encircle me and make me glow. I beam, I am happy and no one can twirl a hula hoop like I do. Maybe it's a way of letting the dreams at my core burst joyously to the surface.

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The recumbent bike is set up in the television room and I have been working my way up in terms of how long I ride. The television room is somewhat crowded with the two recliners and the bike, but it's not unpleasantly so. I am going to wrangle the chairs around so I can watch a movie and pedal for longer. My mind is pretty ready to hop my body off the bike and onto something the mind would rather do. However, I am finding the bike to be the antidote for deep pain in my hips and buttocks, so I am determined to continue.

My sister and neice are up for a horse breeding clinic. Something to do with artificial insemination, harvesting semen, and whatever all else goes into modern breeding. It's nice to have Sandy around and we'll have dinner together tonight before she goes back to Maine on the morrow. Easy Peasy weekend for me. This is a good thing.

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Part of my body remodeling is involving changing my diet. I have been counting calories for five days- today is the sixth. I have not been eating sugar. I have not eaten the chocolate at work that lies around like turds at the bottom of a john. This has enhanced some of my more natural edginess. I am having to work at soothing the baby within and this is proving to be somewhat of a challenge. I made it through last night without caving in to the gluten free cookies Erik baked for Owain. I've had my cereal for the day and am finishing off a cold cup of coffee. Time to change my focus as I feel that hungry edgy broad trying to emerge for the day.

Blessings abound.

I used to love to climb trees. The first tree I remember climbing was a large palm tree in our backyard on Oahu. Smooth skirts of bark, flat ruffles up the trunk. It was a tall tree, much taller than I could completely scale, but just getting half way up the tree trunk was a reward all it's own.

There was a horse chestnut tree that graced the front yard of my parent's home in Stockton Springs. I would climb up the trunk and onto the branch that composed the right side of the tree. There I could sit and read. I could hide from my mother when I didn't want to be seen. The five-fingered fan of the tree's leaves kept me shaded and out of site. I don't remember anyone finding me there. The apple tree in the pasture was also fair game. Much shorter than the horse chestnut, it still afforded a good climb and slimmer branches upon which to perch. When I climbed a tree, I felt nimble. My limbs moved the way I wanted them to do and there was no doubt in my mind that I could make it to the top. If not to the top then to the place to perch that I liked best.

Leaning against the low sloping, old apple tree in our backyard here in Ripton, I remembered the feel of rough bark under the soles of my feet. For a few moments I was taken back to a time when climbing a tree meant I could do anything. I did it for me and I did it for fun. Just thinking about it brings an uncoiling to my matronly corporeal self. A relaxing and an affirmation all in one. When I was a girl.  She still lives in me.

Blessings abound

...the lilac bush. Tiny green furls promise lush leaves to come. The birdsong is bright and loud this morning.  All of the windows are open to the fresh air and warmth.  This sunshine is a blessing, regardless of how many dust moats are brought to attention amid the streaming rays.

I am so glad to be home today. The weekend is welcome relief from the work week. Physical therapy was a bit taxing Thursday. I hurt all over yesterday in it's aftermath.  I don't think I helped myself with eating sugary cake brought in for Doctor's Day.  If  I eat sugar, my pain seems to be worse.  This reaffirms the need to again attack my diet.

I spoke with someone dear to me this week about taking medicine to preserve health. How can I expect that person to better embrace self care when I myself falter at the things I most need to do?  All I can do is renew my efforts at self care and hope they find something to affirm that it's worth their effort to take care of themselves also.

Going to spend time with Gert a little later this morning. Erik has a fireman funeral to attend, so I'm having him take me down to see her while he attends. I'll take my knitting and spend some pleasant time in her company.

Blessings abound

Dylan is 25 today.
This is a glorious thing.
One of the best and brightest
Blessings in my life is he.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BELOVED FIRSTBORN!

I finished the taxes yesterday. What a good feeling to have that done! We ended up paying a little, but it wasn't a gross amount, so I'm happy.  I'm enjoying coffee and music. Played with the dog a little bit and now Erik is home, so it's a nice start to Sunday.

Later today I'm going to start a batch of chili. I thawed homemade tomato sauce and the organic beef we bought last fall. I have local pinto beans grown at Golden Russet Farm in Shoreham. The beans have been soaking since yesterday. I'll pop them into the pressure cooker and they'll be perfect. Now, if only Erik would crawl under the sink to retrieve my pressure cooker, I could get started. He insists on storing some kitchen items under the sink. I don't particularly care for this, but space is at a premium.

Seems like a good time for a Gratitude List.

I'm thankful for plentiful food, locally grown. I'm hopeful to be in the garden soon. Even though it's twenty F outside, the ground is free of snow. Green is just around the corner!

Erik got out the pressure cooker without being reminded! Hooray!

I'm grateful for LoraBora and her steady, loving companionship.   My sister is coming to visit in two weeks. I'm looking forward to that. I'm grateful for Dylan's marriage to Becca and that they are both happy. This is a lovely thing. I wish similiar joy for Mason some day.

Blessings abound