Lately, I've been feeling as if what I do for work doesn't matter. Mostly because of the paper pushing nature of the kind of work I do now. I've been asking the Universe for a sign that what I do matters. I'd pretty much given up on anything when I recieved a very clear sign. A man told me I'd saved his life by insisting he go to the ED. He had tears in his eyes. He really meant it. I feel humbled and affirmed.
Blessings abound
I really wish my friend had not called me about that job. I couldn't get to sleep last night until sometime after midnight. I awakened with only fifteen minutes to get ready for work this morning. Groggy, but made it to work on time. Dealt with work. Came home. One of the other nurses was bitching about some of the data entry we're asked to do. I think I may have snapped a little when she commented that there were too many ways to enter data. I told her I just do it, I don't think about it. She's been complaining about this task for longer than she has been asked to do it. I don't have the patience for it.
I feel resigned to the fact that there's no change in sight. The only change there can be will have to be within me. I can't tell if I'm giving up or being practical. No sense deciding this tonight when I'm sleep deprived.
Blessings abound. I'm sure I'll remember a few good ones before I sleep tonight.
How would I like to work twenty four hours and be paid for thirty two?
I'd like that.
How would I like better pension and health insurance benefits?
Why, yes, I'd like that, also.
Want a job with autonomy and face to face patient care?
yes, I do.
Want Free Room and Board near the job so you can have the job?
maybe
Mind commuting four and one half hours to and from work ?
Yeah. I would.
Think I could get hubby to move off the mountain to live in Portland or the neighboring vicinity? Portland, Maine, that is?
Nope, he's not biting.
But the pay would be better and I'd get off the phones in triage land. Just go be a home health nurse in southern Maine and be paid better than I am now.
I'm tempted.
It'd be more tempting if my friend with the job offer ditched her husband and needed a room mate.
Ah, well. It was a nice pipe dream while it lasted.
Blessings abound
We went to the neighbor's up the road at Pagan Lane tonight to celebrate Gwynneth's birthday. The house was a jostle with the activity of the kids, the cats and the feeling in the air of sap running. We are becoming energized and strong with the promise of thawing ground and the spring freshet. The roads are rutted, muddy, with a thin veneer of ice just above the bedrock. Bear tracks have been found at the Farm's lower compost pile. Brian pisses on the piles to ward off invaders, the male marking his territory. Bears are out and about, hungry after a winter's hibernation. Compost seems easy and delectable with no berries to be found.
Here at our home we have taken down the bird feeders, removed the suet to the freezer in anticipation of the bears awakening in our neck of the woods. The garden edges are appearing as snow is receding. I look at the ground wanting to be worked. I plot how I will manage gardening with restrictions on my back. I will have to plant tall things, pole beans and sunflowers, trellised cucumbers. We entertain thoughts of expanding the deck and building planters that would be at my waist height so I can stand upon the ground with the soil at my hands to be worked.
I've been told by my physical therapist that I need more rhythmical aerobic exercise. I don't use my lower body enough in my sedentary job to give my back muscles the balance that they need. So we are investing in a recumbent bike. We're getting rid of the green wing recliner. I like the chair but it is too big for our Lilliputian house. We'll move the green couch out into the living room and the bike will go in the television room. We'll place a rocking chair in the room for Erik and I will ride the bike in the morning and sometimes at night.
Lately, I have been thinking that I am boring. I have reached out to old friends on Facebook and in Canada. I miss my kids, miss the feeling of family that comes with their physical presence in my life. I feel disconnected from my mother, my sister is neither comfort or companion to me of late. It occurred to me today that my new hobby could be the refurbishing of me- body, mind, spirit. Body has been sadly neglected of my attention. I could do the whole visualization think, I suppose, cut out pictures of the shape I'd like to be, mold myself into a middle aged fit woman. I keep trying to change my diet, but I love sugar and carbs more than is good for me. I have more fiber in my diet than I have had in a long time. Riding the recumbent bike, going nowhere but to me might be the better destination for now.
Time for bed. No more ruminating.
blessings abound
...I can't remember the last time I had this much nasal congestion. I've tried to go to bed to sleep, but I can't lie down and breathe through my nose. And I abhor mouth breathing as a personal physical trait. my oral cavity becomes dry and sticky- ugh! I don't know how people with allergies go along without a major antihistamine.
Erik took the bird feeders and suet station out of the trees yesterday. Bears should be emerging from hibernation soon, and we don't want them to tear down the fence to get to the feeders. I feel sad for the birds, though. They're still coming around as if the feeders were up and are being, I imagine they're being, any way- disappointed. Still, signs of thaw are everywhere and it's prudent to take down the snack dispensers before the bears come to do the forest version of tipping a vending machine.
Blessings abound
So now I know why the low mood this week. I have caught the latest virus, complete with respiratory and intestinal yucks. I've been pretty fortunate this winter season in that most of the viral stuff that I've been exposed to has been easily handled with propolis spray and elderberry syrup. This bout is not responding so well to that combination.
Yesterday was night gown and bed day. I need a shower, but right now I don't feel like starting a fire to warm the house. Maybe after I finish my coffee, I'll wrestle with the woodstove.
We're invited to a Saint Patty's day party tonight. I am not feeling up to it and will keep my germs to home. I haven't brined the brisket to turn it into corned beef due to lack of enthusiasm with this bug. We'll have our Corned Beef and Cabbage later in the month, I think.
Sorry, no energy. Blessings abound
I'm doing a little better. Stumbled onto some journals from a few Marches prior and it is definitely a month that invites nadir to my soul. I'm trying not to let the ornery folks on the phone get to me. I'm settling into my sixth new space in a month and finding ways to make it function well with my work. Contemplating acquiring a couple of silk plants to put atop the shelves of medication samples. Perhaps this weekend I'll find something comely.
I need to find a way to stop worrying so much about all the things I can't control. For a while I was doing better with it than I currently am. I need to get that back.
Blessings abound
Work is killing my spirit. Nuff Said. Blessings abound
So, I've reconnected with my cousins. And the most interesting things are happening. I am afraid that they won't like me, that I'm boring, that they'll think I'm crazy like my mother. I'm in contact with a dear friend from high school and all of a sudden I am worried about how I am to be perceived. This is most curious.
Blessings abound
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