January 27, 2013

• Repeating Lessons

    One of the lessons for me in this life has been to take care of myself before taking care of others. When I was younger, I had the energy to expend so I skipped sleep, ate irregularly and " did too much' in the opinion of others.   I would be able to go for a while at full tilt and then would crash from sickness, like a cold and then later pneumonia, or need to sleep for a day or two uninterrupted in order to gain my equilibrium.  After a decade or so, I gradually became better at pacing myself, at saying no to extra shifts and eating better. Sure, I had times when I would fight the siren call of sleep, and I would need to stop and rest and eat well. My body forced me to do so by working less efficiently.  And then one day I was sicker longer and didn't recover my joie de vivre. My life was difficult and painful and tiring. And my body kept crying out for my attention, pains here, fatigue  there. Tight muscles. 

     As time went on, I learned to do for myself what I did for others: took my own advice. Slept better. Pushed through the symptoms of what was then diagnosed as fibromyalgia. I would still ignore symptoms and try to push through because I thought that was the best way in which to deal with something that has no cure. 

  And then I was diagnosed with Lyme.   

    Now I'm more consistent with resting. I still have pain, but if I work too many hours, the pain and fatigue worsen. Fortunately, my obtuse ignorance of my body's cues in not as acute as it once was. I've asked for another day off next week since I had to work yesterday. I self-massaged the knots in my thigh and lower back on the right to help rid myself of the three a.m. Charley Horse in between the top of my foot and medial shin. 

  Even as I try to type this, my brain is foggy and I realize I need to sleep. I'll try to write something more coherent and comprehensive later. 

  • 2:52 pm
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